NO JOY FOR BOY FROM TROY!
Pictures of Frank Gehry’s scheme ON Brighton’s sea front prompted me to phone a friend who lives there to see what the word on the street or, in this case the peomenade is, and that’s how I first heard that LA’s star architect, Frank Gehry had taken on Brad Pitt as a design consultant. ‘Don’t joke,’ I said, ‘the beginning of the end is probably going to begin in Brighton.’
In the studio I joked that Brad had dumped Rachel for Catia. Catia, as volumes of Gerry press releases explain, is a French CAD programme developed for aerospace projects. Presumably Los Angelenos interpret Le Force De Frappe as a really strong iced coffee rather than the French nuclear delivery system. Exactly how Gerry discovered Catia I just can’t imagine. Maybe he was trying to book a room at La Mirage in Las Vegas and found photos of the beautiful French fighter-bomber instead.
What has this to do with Brad? According to www.boyfromtroy.com and a variety of other web sites Brad decided last year to take a year off Hollywood super-stardom in order to learn how to learn to draw with or in Catia. From the point of view of thousands of CAD jockeys who dream that one day the master will tap them on the shoulder and say ‘C’mon dude, come and sit round the table with me and Renzo and Zaha and Lord Norm. Don’t be nervous just because you have no formal education dude, it’ll be cool,’ this is bad news. For the unrecognized workforce who actually draws the stuff that dreams are made of there may be some consolation that this Oceans Eleven approach to the regeneration of LA’s Grand Avenue was turned down by the City last year.
Here in the UK public consultation has been grafted on the planning procedure, the result being yet another hybrid of the democratic process under the vigilant eye of the OPDM [John Prescott]. If inclusionism is therefore OK why shouldn’t architects staple more celebrity cv’s to their proposals. Gerry may have sincerely believed Brad would do to downtown LA what Jamie Oliver is doing to school meals, but he got it wrong. Had they won the contract try to imagine the ensuing discussions between Brad and Ms Hadid. Snatch 2 – Return of the Pikey, while the Gerry assistants frantically phoning for more and Prozac.
Gerry went wrong when he forgot his own aesthetic inclinations. He forgot his fish. Gerry fans will remember various fish-as-light and fish-as-college projects. I remember Clams-On-The-Half-Shell, starring Bette Midler in mermaid tail. In other words Mr. Gerry forget the Pikey. Call Ms, Midler. .Together you have track-record in scale. Others should consider celebrity add-onsro reinforce their core brand values and grow their fan-base WITH EXTREME CAUTION.
Meanwhile, I imagine, in a Winnebago outside the Viper Room the Boy From Troy works into the night on his masterpiece. His quest: to get Hollywood back on the Boulevard. A Sphinx for the 21st century based on the Tombraider herself. He is templating the titanium sheeting for the lips of Lara Croft. Los Angeles tres tres Jolie.
